I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The air taste purple.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
