M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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