Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
