I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
