I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
