I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
