guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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