That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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