my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
