someone owes me an orgasm
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize