This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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