Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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