i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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