you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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