connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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