your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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