Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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