I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
