Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
