People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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