weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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