It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
