I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
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Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize