My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
