Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
