He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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