He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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