Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
