Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
