Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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