:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
