i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
