i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
