Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
