there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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