i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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