Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
