That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
