I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
