i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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