Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
