my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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