why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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