I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
