It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
