You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
