mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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