it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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