Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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