last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
