Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Come on in and take your pants off
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