My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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