if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
