I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
