Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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