The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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