I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
