i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
