very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
