I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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