Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
