its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
grandma shit on top of the toilet
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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