I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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