I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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