woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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