worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
