He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
