I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had to cum in my sink.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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