Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
