and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
