history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
PANTIES FOUND
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
