Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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