Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
