I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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