I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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