i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
