Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
