Cold hands, warm shart.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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