remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
