a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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