Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
