Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
