I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
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Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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