i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
