East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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